single mom in the small city

2010-12-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

So I'm not going to lie I really miss checking up on some of your guys post and seeing your adorable kiddos grow! Because of lack of time and awkward situations (like random people asking about Dex when I'm out) I don't post on here much anymore (as you know by now). But I would love to stay connected with the people I have met on here. The only thing that I use now-a-days is facebook. So here's the link to my page I'm hoping this will work :)

2010-11-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

happy halloween everyone!
things that have kept me away from this site (boo)
1) dexter
2) sometimes, i take pictures
(click me, dooo it! ^^)
1) jilian dee
(me too! me too^^)

2010-10-08T08:17:00.001-07:00

can someone please direct me to the person that steals time? because I would like to have it back.

2010-08-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Zach and Julie: Save the Date

I had so much fun making this. Congrats you guys!

2010-08-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

i don't care who you are, this proves that love exist.
(ps i could never go a whole year with out seeing my flesh and blood. i hope you have a hard time sleeping at night.)

2010-08-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

So lately me and my friends have been talking about the entertainment industry (no not adult entertainment) the ups and downs of it all. How hard it is to make friends because everyone gets sucked in and goes 'Hollywood'. Then I had a friend ask me why I never went 'Hollywood'. (you don't have to live there to be it, trust me i think we all know one person or another who acts 'hollywood'). And it really got me thinking because I didn't have a direct answer besides 'because I'm real.' So after load apond load of pondering I've come up with this.

I've never been one that wanted to get married and be a stay at home wife/mom (not saying I don't respect them because I do a whole great deal, it takes the right kind of person, that person just isn't me). I want to earn my own money, have my own career, make my won home. I crave independence too much to let a boy get in my way. I want the sweet pad, and the fun lifestyle but I want it to be my own, not borrowed. I want to be able to hold my own.

This makes me way too 'real' for 'hollywood'. I'm not a fake, I am and always have been a genuie person. If I don't like something I'll say it, even when it comes to Lady Gaga. I love her most of the time but there are times when I'm saying wtf? I feel like two many people just go with the flow, and are never true to them selves. I have never been afraid to admit that I'm weirdly obsessed with dragon books (oh em gee that Ann McCaffery is so good).

Just because the Mary-Kate wants to look like jesus, doesn't make it cool. I wear what I like, sure its influenced by designers and stuff you see, but not everything you see it gold. It's finding your own style and well, owing it. Its about showing the right amount of skin, no one likes to see trash walking the streets.

Well maybe it is circumference wise, but it's defiantly not inflated by any means. Yes I can walk into a room with my chin held high, but I never have my head in the sky (rythming not intended). I don't think I'm better than anyone in that room. There is a difference between confidence and cockiness. And 'hollywood' people act like you owe them something for just being able to be in there presence, gag! This is probably thee most annoying 'hollywood' act for me. Whenever you see these people don't you just want to run up to them and tell them 'you're not that cool'.

I will never ever ever ever.......... ever give up my morals just so I could land a job. That's really all I have to say on that matter because it's something I will never lose.

Nom nom nom!! My life would be awful without food (most of you know that I have gone with out food for a period(s) in my life and I'd be the first to admit it is awful). I've slowly been learning to love my body and curves (and I do mean curves not the size 2 the industry is now calling curves). There is something beautiful in shape, and studies have shown that men are more naturally attracted (I say naturally because it is a natural state not one the media creates) to curves. The way your hips swing out of a thin silhouette to meet your legs. It's us girls that are harsh on ourselves, and I'm saying this to every women out there, don't be. I seriously could go on about this topic forever but I'll save it for a different post.

So there you have it ladies and gents, my definition of what makes someone 'real' and someone 'hollywood'. Just remember, it's 100% okay to look glamorous and 'hollywood', you go out and strut that stuff. But keep your head level and your drink count low (no one likes the overly drunk girl) and enjoy life the way you want to.

2010-08-11T06:40:00.001-07:00

so i really don't have the time to write but i'm going to :) I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind words and support. It really meant a lot to me, it's nice to know that on occasion you're not really as insane as you think. I ended up breaking down and had to call my sister, because it was getting way too much. And she (bless her soul) took him for the weekend. And this weekend I had the night off, never happens. So I had me time, all weekend it was great. And totally just what I needed. I took my time getting ready to go out, did a little shopping, slept in, even just sat around and did nothing. It was perfect, and for once I actually missed the little bugger when he was gone. (I usually don't because when he is gone I have to work and still don't get any me time). But thank you again for all the encouragement and advice, i swear kids should come with a handbook.

2010-08-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

look what i've made alllllll by myself.

2010-08-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

So in the honor of being brutally honest, i need to know that i'm not alone. That there are mom's that think the same things that i do. And maybe they don't, but then i would know how to calm my conscious. And here it goes.

Do you ever not want to be around your child? I mean quite a bit. Not like for a few minutes.
Or do constantly you crave the life you have before motherhood?

I'm constantly battling these thoughts. I think its do to the fact that i'm literally alone with him from 7am-8pm (with a few naps in between) 7 days a week. I only work weekend nights right now, i leave for work at 5pm. So i'm literally with him, day in day out by myself (my parents are very very rarely home so i have very little help). Maybe I'm craving freedom because I have none, none at all. I love my son but I'm begining to feel like a prisoner, that motherhood is being forced on me. Anyways, I know most of my readers aren't single moms but maybe they think of the same things from time to time. Feed back would be great.

quickly losing my sanity;
j.

2010-07-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

2010-07-26T19:54:00.001-07:00

oh happy day

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2010-07-22T19:45:00.001-07:00

lil devil

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

2010-07-21T18:30:00.001-07:00

2010-07-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

click here to see crystal's lovely blog that i may or may not have designed ;)

2010-07-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

summer house. very lucky.

2010-07-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

2010-07-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

2010-07-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

2010-07-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! So after making the 'switch' to tumblr, I've really missed writing and since blogger is a great outlet for blogs I've decided to 'come back' and use my tumblr more for picture propouses. I'm re-vamping this blog, new name layout etc. It will be about my journey being a single mom in whatever state (as in geographical but probably mental too) so hop in and buckle up, it's going to be a brutally honest bummy ride.

forever yours.
jilian

2010-06-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

2010-06-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

generations.

2010-06-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

made the switch!
EEK
(ps you can follow tumblr through blogger)

2010-06-02T20:30:00.001-07:00

i just dont want your heart.

2010-06-02T20:29:00.001-07:00

just got new ink. love.

2010-06-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

change,
yes change is good.

2010-06-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

via: pearled

2010-06-01T11:46:00.001-07:00

so not going to lie i got to day 3 of the cabbage diet and broke. ha I wouldn't have if my friend suggested that he makes authentic chicken empanadas, from scratch mind you. I still lost some weight though, mainly from being more active. (like climbing sand dunes at our summer house)

so many great things are starting to line up for me and I'm so grateful. If there's one thing I'm bad at it would be patience. I want to be successful now, to complete all my goals and dreams. I think that the main reason I want it right now is that all of my friends are my age or younger and already living out there dreams. Its so hard to tell myself that great things happen in time. Time, never been good at it.

2010-05-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

photo by: ejk

wow! so much has happened! First off I made top 5 for Runway On Monroe! so thanks for all those whom voted and supported me! Not bad for my first time ever doing womens fashion. My website is now up! At least my college went to some use, haha.

I have a really really important date on the 4th so I'm trying to shed a few pounds and tone up. So I decided to do the Cabbage Soup Diet lord is it hard. I'm on day two and its super super hard to wake up and eat veggies, fruit is way more do able. But I thought I would log it.

Day 1
I had lots of fresh fruit, pineapple, apples, blueberries. A very easy day 1 and I ended up losing 1.5 lbs. Not bad for day 1.

postscript:
My friends business is being filmed today by Dirty Jobs! Go Earl's Meats!

2010-05-08T06:26:00.001-07:00

you make my heart blossom little one.

2010-04-27T10:22:00.001-07:00

2010-04-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

(wipes sweat off of my forehead)

voting is now open.
press appearances.
being a mom.
sewing.
promotion material.
being a mom.
work.
sewing.
meetings.
being a mom.
sewing.
more press.
sewing.
life.
(just click the link to vote for me :D
if you have more computers do use!
and you should get your friends on the bandwagon too)

view my lookbook

2010-04-17T12:58:00.001-07:00

2010-04-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

everything comes with its own territory. you're cowardly words were nothing new, i've heard them before.

2010-04-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

click me to stay up to date with me
(i entered a design contest and with pr, meetings and work my social life gets pushed aside)

2010-04-07T20:00:00.001-07:00

2010-04-04T22:07:00.001-07:00

Spring Fashion Week: Sunday
(happy easter!)

On Me
Shirt: Target
Jeans: Converse One Star for Target

On Little Man
Jean Shirt: Vintage Gap
Striped Shirt: Target
Jeans: Target

Ummmm could we be anymore Targeted out?? Probably not but hey they have super super cute stuff (not to mention great featured designers). And I don't mean to toot my own horn but I think Dexter is extremely handsome in this picture :P

2010-04-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

spring fashion: saturday

Top: (the same) miley cyrus and max azria top
Cutoffs: American Eagle

So there is a reason why I wore that top again. I was up at 6 am (after going to bed at 1am) doing hair and makeup on my lovely models! I did it! I finally launched my clothing line (Dee.) for womens (and teens)! Those are my clothes (obviously) behind me. Its only a sneak peek and I'll be launching it to public on April 5th (this coming monday). So needless to say I'm not 'fashion forward' in this photo, but my models sure are! Today my only focus was the girls and how they looked and it was just amazing. Did I mention how amazingly tall they are? I'm 5'8" and with their heels on they towered over me haha. So to wrap things up, great day, great times and great people.

2010-04-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

spring fashion: friday On Me

Maxi Dress: Target
Necklace: Buckle
Sunglasses: Charlotte Russe

On Dexter
Onesie: Gerber
Pants: Target

On Caden
Shirt: Starter
Khakis: Old Navy
Shoes: Pumas

Loving this warm weather! Today I get to do a sweet photoshoot for my new adult line that has its first showcase tomorrow! So so amped and actually nervous. I never get nervous about anything and now i'm a ball of them. It will be good though my models are great and I can't wait to launch and share my clothes :)

2010-04-01T09:57:00.001-07:00

throwback thursday.

2010-04-01T09:51:00.001-07:00

spring fashion: thursday

silk romper: twelve by twelve

I finally showed my face! haha which means the babe has taken a long enough nap to put some makeup on. Thanks for all the love! and everyone is rocking it this week!

(postscript: my camera is a Nikon 8700)

2010-03-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

spring fashion: wednesdayTop: Miley Cyrus & Max Azria
Bike Shorts: vintage

post script: did i mention it was 80 out today?

2010-03-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

spring fashion fever.
tee: yours truly (i used 100% modal, sigh love!)
denim: Rock & Republic

2010-03-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

image by: juvenilesoul

ugh, fuck. i don't want to start this bad habit again. we all deal with disappointment, happiness and emotions differently. the way i deal with it isn't really the best, whenever something happens i lose my appetite. most gain one and find comfort in mash potatoes, chocolates, milkshakes and all things yummy. i use to, until i turned 17 and my world shifted. it's when all of this began, the subconscious ways of trying to hide my habits, the constant worry about proving it to myself not to fail. the drive to show myself how tiny i can get. and because of that my habits will never be the same. yes, you learn to control them and fight them but there is comfort in them. so when something happens that's what i lean towards. usually i can bounce back out of it before it gets too bad again. but i've been going on a few months now of slipping back into bad habits and more upsetting things just keep happening, so the less and less appetite i get. it's hard to not let your brain slip back into its ways. people often misunderstand what we go through and think that once you've stopped your habits your magically cured. i wish that was the case. it's been 7 years now and i still have a constant battle with it. i'm hoping that writing about it and my feelings will allow me to feel some release. i don't like not having control. i have been to treatment countless times and don't want to reach the point where i have to go back. i don't know how to explain my habits other than when i'm sad, hurt or down they flood back and i'm at home again, with the one thing that is familiar the one thing that brings me comfort.
yet so much pain.

2010-03-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

(yum yums)
throwback thursday.

2010-03-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

So I just had a great conversation and wanted to take the time out to everyone who has supported me and been on the sidelines cheering me on. Since I was a little girl I knew what kind of lifestyle I wanted. (you know that high pace one, where you don't have time to eat or sleep) I will admit it took awhile to find myself and believe it or not i was never the 'artsy girl' in high school. I don't think I really had an identity until i moved to chicago. Moving away and starting new allowed me to be who I truly was without the influence of others. I will say I'm so thankful for that opportunity.

Now flash forward 5 years (wow that flew by) and I have my feet in like seven different puddles. I just love doing things that allow me to express myself. Now I know I'm not the best at all the things that I do but I always push myself to be the best, to know the best. I have made amazing friends along the way that truly believe in me. Life is truly about taking chances and not giving up. So many people told me that my dream was impossible but I did everything I could to prove them wrong.

And its all the beginning.

2010-03-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

more photos here

2010-03-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

illustration by: leigh viner

jumped on the formspring bandwagon.
ask me anything.

2010-03-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

i have all i need.

2010-03-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

illustration by: Ryan P Young

2010-03-18T23:39:00.001-07:00

throwback thursday.

2010-03-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack of post lately everything has been, well overwhelming. And in all of it I was told that I wasn't allowed to have feelings nor share them. I don't do the 19th century thing and I never will. I'm not the one to shut up and stand in line. One day this will be made right until then, its the can't eat can't sleep why get out of bed kinda thing.

but at least i have someone who feels the same.

(i'm a massive Lady Gaga fan)

2010-03-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

So working on films you meet some amazingly talented people. While doing that type of work was more of a hobby for me others make it their career (kinda jealous). Corey Gibbons did just that. He went from working on feature films to starting his own little company. This is his story.

What did you grow up wanting to be? and why?
'i guess i really always wanted to be an actor. Not really sure why, I watched a lot of tv and movies as a kid, and saw these people doing millions of things; traveling through time, fighting dragons, saving the damsel in distress. So why chose one of these things be an actor you can do it all. This was all before I found out about stunt people and CGI.'

what is the best part of working on set for you? or on films?
'The end of the day. You know you have completed something, you can see it and the actual feeling of wanting to go back to work the next day, to do the same.'

If you could go back and time and give yourself advice when you were 16 what would it be?
'This is all you need. Pens, Paper, A camera, and a Mac. All that other shit you want doesn't matter.'

What advice would you give to someone who is looking into getting into the industry?
'Keep at it, if you love it, it's worth it'

you're directing and filming your own stuff now, what inspires your work?
'I guess just reality inspires me. Im easily inspired, or you could call it just a day dreamer, so I guess my main inspiration is just imagination.'

Very true, people tend to lose their imaginations and become focused on littler things. What was your favorite imagination game you played when you were little?
'We had woods out by my house when I was a kid. We built forts and stuff played pirates and explorers, G I Joe, those were my favorite games.'

Whats one thing you can't live without?
'Breathing..... Oh and maybe jamba juice'

2010-03-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

illustration by: kurt hasley

I'm extremely happy to let everyone know that I'll be adding a new type of post to my blog! (drum roll please.......) One-on-one interviews with some amazing people, called for the record... I can't wait to kick it off! Starting tomorrow I'll be posting one new interview each month (which will be on the 11th of every month). It will be from people of all sorts, from musicians to artist to film crew to mommies, just everyday people that deserve some spotlight for all their hard work! I will admit now, I'm not any type of journalist so questions might be choppy but it will be the truth. I have some amazing people lined up and can't wait to share their stories with you!

2010-03-11T06:30:00.001-08:00

throwback thursday.

2010-03-09T20:09:00.000-08:00

btw...
last week saturday dex and his cuz's (caden and zoe) went to a hotel with a small indoor waterpark. D loooooves the water, which is good bc our summer house is on a lake! I didn't get any pictures of him in the water though, something about bringing a really expensive camera by the water just terrifies me.

2010-03-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

'I'm hearing what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it's nothing new.
I loved you when the fires red,
Now it's turning blue...
And you say...
Sorry, you're not the angel
Heaven let me think was you...
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.
I'm holding on your rope,
got me ten feet off the ground'

2010-03-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

want to win a $20 gift card to bows & arrows???

click here for details.

2010-03-04T06:46:00.000-08:00

throwback thursday.
(not going to lie I had every single one in this commercial)

2010-03-02T17:53:00.000-08:00

i hate this. my heart could simply collapse any minute (if i let it).

he's the one that taught me patience. he's the one that taught me to live one day at a time, to ignore the rest. he's not perfect, but perfect enough to have that pull. he's the one that makes me want to be a better person, to pursue my dreams. he does it without even knowing. he's the one that makes my heart happy by just sitting next to me. he constantly slips into my dreams. he's the one that looks cuter in the morning. he's the one that scares me to death.

2010-02-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

photo by: Parker Fitzgerald
(i must say i have really talented friends.)

2010-02-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

my morning light.
photo by: yours truly

i really really really want this swim suit (i'm obsessed with one pieces)

he's coming to visit, but I don't hold my breath on plans coming through...

this always makes me laugh, sinister I know, but hes just so cute when he's a 'bad boy'

i made these for dexter and wont take them off his feet

pretty sure no matter what I'm going through, this song will ALWAYS help.

annnnd a little something that always keeps me going, no matter how much crap life can dump on me

2010-02-25T11:47:00.000-08:00

throwback thursday.

2010-02-23T20:38:00.001-08:00

"i've made this far without crying a single tear
i'd sure hate to break down here."
-julie roberts

2010-02-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

photos: yours truly

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like your on top of the world. Where everything makes you smile. The days you feel like super mom, or simply wonder girl. That was my day today. I feel super loved and just happy. I finally took time out for me and did nothing today just relaxed with my babe (and by babe I mean my son). It was just what I needed.

On another spectrum of life. Has anyone ever have it where they just can't shake someone off? No matter what you do by the end of the day you've thought about them at least once (okay like a billion times) through out the day? They are the ones that can move miles away, date another person and you still like them as much as you did without being a slight bit jealous. How do you label these people, bc I swear if Ryan Gossling came up to me and wanted to date me I.... wait bad choice of person, I'd might have to take him up on that. Okay if Paul Walker came up to me and wanted to date me I would pick my 'someone' over him. What are these people called? I don't know if they even have a label or not haha.(i'm really not sultry, promise)

2010-02-18T08:46:00.000-08:00

breathe.

sigh, we're finally home. this past week has been so challenging. Dexter has had a cold for about a week, then started to get congested (cue in lots of vapor baths and a constantly running vaporizer) but monday morning he woke up wheezing and pretty much gasping for air. So i took him to the ER asap. After a few test and x-rays they told me he had RSV and a little case of pneumonia. He instantly got on breathing treatments and oxygen (his oxygen levels were in the mid 80's) so needless to say these last few night have been restless. But good news is that he is okay now and back at home. Never something I ever want to go through again, I'm just thankful for modern medicine, and family.

2010-02-15T10:47:00.001-08:00

2010-02-11T12:32:00.001-08:00

throwback thursday.

2010-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

so there are days as a mom where your baby is ultra clingy, but lately I've been ultra clingy. I always want to hold him or rock him to sleep. I'm constantly playing with him, I just love this stage hes so so much fun. I'd be the first to admit that the newborn stage isn't for me, at all. But I just want to give him tummy spoofs all the time and hold him at night. :)

2010-02-09T06:44:00.000-08:00

photo by: yours truly

I love it when new things bloom, when things finally start to take off. I wish I had time to write more but I don't. My heart is so happy. When it rains, it poors and when it stops everything grows.

2010-02-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

photo by: Parker Fitzgerald

There are so many times in my day where I just want to escape. Not from being a mom, not from my amazing family. I just want to see new places. Feel the curve of every mountain. Watch the ocean waves crash up against boulders. I work so hard so that one day Dexter can see all these things. One day I'll be there, I just want it all now. (doesn't really help that my friends, whom are the same age as me, already have all that) I'll be there too, promise

2010-01-31T18:46:00.000-08:00

photo by: yours truly

ahhh today i am

happy. calm. relaxed.

I'm so close to the point where I can quit my job and just sew. It is such a dream of mine. I often wonder how did I ever get this lucky? Granted I work super hard for everything I have, I'm just very thankful I have the means to follow after all the dreams I come up with. (but if they weren't there I would find them, I'm just a driven person) I just feel so happy right now.

I redesigned all of MB's packaging as well (after all I'm so close to having my associates in graphic design, which I'm really doing nothing in haha) it made me miss designing a bit, and my mac book which is still out of comish.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a wonderful lady that is helping MB out. She's amazing and getting us in a store. We tried it once but the lady was looking for pencil skirts.... for babies... good luck with that one hahaha. It's definitely baby steps but in the right direction.

2010-01-30T12:37:00.000-08:00

inked.
082309

2010-01-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

Welcome, this my fairy tale:

I have been given a prince, who is the cutest boy in all the land. He's a very special prince that was born to save me. From the moment I laid eyes on him I knew that he would forever be mine. Every day that I wake up I now know my life as a purpose.

Tucked way away in my castle I sew and I sew. My prince plays beside me as he giggles and grows. Six orders down only three more to go!

Sometimes my duties never end. Sometimes they pile up. Sometimes I want to give in. Then I see my handsome prince and everything drifts away. I'll my us a home no matter what it takes.

I'll remember these years before they all slip away. Yes, my prince and me, is all i really need. He's handsome and oh so brave. He shines from the second he wakes. He is my sky, my castle, my garden.

i will always have a happily ever after.

2010-01-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

today i'm locking myself in my studio. I have a laundry list of orders to complete :)
(post script: isn't that window display to die for??? dang you anthropology!)

2010-01-25T17:28:00.000-08:00

totally just made d this.
I saw this fabric awhile back and just knew i had to use it for something. And call me crazy but I'm itching to do another quilt...
don't forget to become a fan (i know i know I'm cheesy but I would just love to quit my regular job and sew all the time :P)

2010-01-23T07:21:00.000-08:00

today. my heart is happy.

2010-01-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

'mom... turkey was a bad choice'

2010-01-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

want a FREE burp cloth?? click me, for more info.

2010-01-21T13:20:00.000-08:00

dear lovely bloggers (and readers) help us get 300 fans! :)
and read about our free gift.

2010-01-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

2010-01-18T19:28:00.000-08:00

photo: caitlin george

I'm literally just wiped out. I have been working non stop and when I'm not at my actually job I'm sewing up orders (granted that part is fun) but it's constant on the go. The crappy thing, I feel like I have made zero headway.

how cute is that picture though?? It's my friends lil boy. She makes cute things.

2010-01-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

its now thursday and i'm trying so hard to keep up on this thing! My life has gotten to the point where I'm constantly working (with the occasion of eating). If I'm not working my job I'm sewing things up for customer (which I'm currently backed up on :/) Granted my sewing doesn't feel like work, ahh I love that feeling. But on my way to pick up Dexter I realized that I don't even know what time my son goes to bed :( or if he likes to have a book read to him at night... I'm constantly working and I feel like I'm barely raising him. It's such a depressing feeling. i miss him :(

2010-01-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

so i haven't really wrote in a long time due to the fact that nothing really has been happening. I did however manage to slaughter a deer with my car saturday night after picking Dexter up from his nanny's. I've obviously lived to tell the story ;), what's funny is when it happened I just cried, not because I was hurt or scare but I knew that I could not afford a new car. And luckly I don't have to (as of yet... but my car is on its last leg, tis a pity).

In other news, I need a life. I work doubles all the time so I can provide for my son and pay off icky student loans. I've come to the realization that the only thing I do in my off time is sew or go into town with dexter. No friends, no hanging out with anyone, no me time, just constant work and mommyness (but that one is my fave :) ). I mean eventually I'll get somewhat of a life... maybe haha. I miss my life of working on set and rubbing elbows with fun people. Oh in time...

2010-01-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

looky what I made.

2010-01-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

latest for sale

2010-01-08T21:10:00.001-08:00

I feel like I'm deteriorating...

2010-01-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

q:
'who are you?'

a:
'i'm just a girl that knows what she wants
because of that, i make friends. i'm a go
getter that never stops. that's how i got
to where i am now. that's how i know the
~~people~~ friends i know.'

2010-01-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

owie! my broken heart.
broken as in shattered.
omg this blind sided me,
it hurts so bad,
make it stop pleeeease make it stop.
i know i got screwed over royally but now
it's rubbed in my face
and the funny thing
I should be happy
weddings are suppose to be joyful
but it hurts
i guess it will always be this way
and i have adjusted
but I just didn't see this coming
nor did i want to
i want to hide, i don't want to move
what a horrid way to bring in twenty ten

2010-01-03T18:26:00.000-08:00

last year to date I announced the best news.
still so proud

2009-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

it's that can't eat can't sleep kinda thing
in the most gloomy way possible.
when did I start believing?
that was my first mistake.

[27 Feb 2008 | Wednesday]

2009-12-21T12:41:00.001-08:00

What's Love Got To Do

ding ding
i wont go down
you wont take him down
reprimand now,
now! now! now!
take your foul hand off
amusing thing about religion
its there when you need it
amusing thing is that its us
now
this is not my battle
yet i stand here fixed
in abundant armor- ready
he quarrels companion-less and now he
has a cavalry
adjust, please adjust
im not suppose to be wearing
this ring
yet its my highest alter ego
as if blood
annihilation will have me last
no... have us last

[i forgot about my blog on myspace, actually forgot I had a myspace]

never forget.

2009-12-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

how beautiful and valuable you are.

happy.

2009-12-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

happy christmas to you and yours.
from me and mine.

2009-12-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

[click above]

dear santa:

2009-12-13T22:30:00.001-08:00

i want a love story for christmas. that's not too much to ask right?
[i promise i have been good]

2009-12-11T20:54:00.001-08:00

today I skipped folding my laundry to hold Dexter while he fell asleep in my arms.

2009-12-10T21:29:00.001-08:00

post script: I miss the one who moved away.

2009-12-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

so I was a few days (okay maybe a week) late on taking Dexters three month pictures but I finally got around to it. I've been meaning to try out this concept for awhile. It's funny to think I use a cybershot s550 (just a basic point and shoot camera). But I love it and I love him. It's so weird to think that three months ago I was in the hospital with him. Honestly time hasn't gone by fast for me, granted some days wish it would. It's crazy where my life has taken me, I love every second of it (expect the one where his dead beat dad walked away, sorry still bitter it's still fresh). Lately I've been coming to terms with personal things and it feels great. I've been setting my bar higher (in a non snooty way). I must say I'm ready for 2010, I never make resolutions but this year I might have to :)

2009-12-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes I pretend to be someone else.

I do it to keep my sanity. No one knows this heart of mine.

holly dazes

2009-12-08T22:00:00.001-08:00