So I'm not going to lie I really miss checking up on some of your guys post and seeing your adorable kiddos grow! Because of lack of time and awkward situations (like random people asking about Dex when I'm out) I don't post on here much anymore (as you know by now). But I would love to stay connected with the people I have met on here. The only thing that I use now-a-days is facebook. So here's the link to my page I'm hoping this will work :)

happy halloween everyone!
things that have kept me away from this site (boo)
1) dexter
2) sometimes, i take pictures
(click me, dooo it! ^^)
1) jilian dee
(me too! me too^^)

can someone please direct me to the person that steals time? because I would like to have it back.

Zach and Julie: Save the Date

I had so much fun making this. Congrats you guys!

i don't care who you are, this proves that love exist.
(ps i could never go a whole year with out seeing my flesh and blood. i hope you have a hard time sleeping at night.)

So lately me and my friends have been talking about the entertainment industry (no not adult entertainment) the ups and downs of it all. How hard it is to make friends because everyone gets sucked in and goes 'Hollywood'. Then I had a friend ask me why I never went 'Hollywood'. (you don't have to live there to be it, trust me i think we all know one person or another who acts 'hollywood'). And it really got me thinking because I didn't have a direct answer besides 'because I'm real.' So after load apond load of pondering I've come up with this.





I've never been one that wanted to get married and be a stay at home wife/mom (not saying I don't respect them because I do a whole great deal, it takes the right kind of person, that person just isn't me). I want to earn my own money, have my own career, make my won home. I crave independence too much to let a boy get in my way. I want the sweet pad, and the fun lifestyle but I want it to be my own, not borrowed. I want to be able to hold my own.




This makes me way too 'real' for 'hollywood'. I'm not a fake, I am and always have been a genuie person. If I don't like something I'll say it, even when it comes to Lady Gaga. I love her most of the time but there are times when I'm saying wtf? I feel like two many people just go with the flow, and are never true to them selves. I have never been afraid to admit that I'm weirdly obsessed with dragon books (oh em gee that Ann McCaffery is so good).





Just because the Mary-Kate wants to look like jesus, doesn't make it cool. I wear what I like, sure its influenced by designers and stuff you see, but not everything you see it gold. It's finding your own style and well, owing it. Its about showing the right amount of skin, no one likes to see trash walking the streets.




Well maybe it is circumference wise, but it's defiantly not inflated by any means. Yes I can walk into a room with my chin held high, but I never have my head in the sky (rythming not intended). I don't think I'm better than anyone in that room. There is a difference between confidence and cockiness. And 'hollywood' people act like you owe them something for just being able to be in there presence, gag! This is probably thee most annoying 'hollywood' act for me. Whenever you see these people don't you just want to run up to them and tell them 'you're not that cool'.




I will never ever ever ever.......... ever give up my morals just so I could land a job. That's really all I have to say on that matter because it's something I will never lose.




Nom nom nom!! My life would be awful without food (most of you know that I have gone with out food for a period(s) in my life and I'd be the first to admit it is awful). I've slowly been learning to love my body and curves (and I do mean curves not the size 2 the industry is now calling curves). There is something beautiful in shape, and studies have shown that men are more naturally attracted (I say naturally because it is a natural state not one the media creates) to curves. The way your hips swing out of a thin silhouette to meet your legs. It's us girls that are harsh on ourselves, and I'm saying this to every women out there, don't be. I seriously could go on about this topic forever but I'll save it for a different post.

So there you have it ladies and gents, my definition of what makes someone 'real' and someone 'hollywood'. Just remember, it's 100% okay to look glamorous and 'hollywood', you go out and strut that stuff. But keep your head level and your drink count low (no one likes the overly drunk girl) and enjoy life the way you want to.

so i really don't have the time to write but i'm going to :) I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind words and support. It really meant a lot to me, it's nice to know that on occasion you're not really as insane as you think. I ended up breaking down and had to call my sister, because it was getting way too much. And she (bless her soul) took him for the weekend. And this weekend I had the night off, never happens. So I had me time, all weekend it was great. And totally just what I needed. I took my time getting ready to go out, did a little shopping, slept in, even just sat around and did nothing. It was perfect, and for once I actually missed the little bugger when he was gone. (I usually don't because when he is gone I have to work and still don't get any me time). But thank you again for all the encouragement and advice, i swear kids should come with a handbook.

look what i've made alllllll by myself.

So in the honor of being brutally honest, i need to know that i'm not alone. That there are mom's that think the same things that i do. And maybe they don't, but then i would know how to calm my conscious. And here it goes.

Do you ever not want to be around your child? I mean quite a bit. Not like for a few minutes.
Or do constantly you crave the life you have before motherhood?

I'm constantly battling these thoughts. I think its do to the fact that i'm literally alone with him from 7am-8pm (with a few naps in between) 7 days a week. I only work weekend nights right now, i leave for work at 5pm. So i'm literally with him, day in day out by myself (my parents are very very rarely home so i have very little help). Maybe I'm craving freedom because I have none, none at all. I love my son but I'm begining to feel like a prisoner, that motherhood is being forced on me. Anyways, I know most of my readers aren't single moms but maybe they think of the same things from time to time. Feed back would be great.

quickly losing my sanity;
j.

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